General asshats
Circle I Limbo

Riceboys, Trixies, Hipsters, Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Scientologists
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

PETA Members, Militant Vegans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Osama bin Laden
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Bill Gates, Saddam Hussein
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

DMV Employees
Circle VII Burning Sands

George Bush
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

The Pope
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

again...I am sitting here on this damned thing...eating more chocolate...started with chips...moved onto those little mini hershey bars, and ending with some lindors...and why does my stomach hurt and my teeth ache??? And I just got up to get more chips....I really need to go back to eating more healthfully...especially since these kids will follow my lead. Unless of course I do it the way it was at dad's....junkfood only for the grown ups...wow...how fair is that? Then they will end up like me anyway...I must have went through years of just shit food because I could finally eat whatever the hell I wanted to...everything in moderation.
tonight I am giving myself a break...I will not rant about what a bad mother I am or how rotten the rats are...I will tell myself only good shit until it is true.
I love chips and chocolate.

because my life is so crappy and rarely extends beyond these four walls I am in the process of trying to start a stitch n' bitch....yup...that's right...the one who wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me is trying to start my own....we shall see how it goes

I went to the 24 hour grocery store tonight...of course it was overpriced and full of nothing but shit....all kinds of packaged shit but not a decent loaf of bread. and because I am who I am, I bought chips, taco dip and choco covered almonds....at least I like water, thus rounding out my food groups of choice. Actually, beyond that stuff and the cat food and a bag of apples I think the rest of the cart was all dairy products....that grocery store sucked ass.

Yesterday we went to wal-hell for the internal debate of cheap curtain rods versus really nice, not so cheap.....since we are apparently not staying in this house, cheap ass one out...so we bought four rods, came home and did a typical piss poor child assisted installation of said rods...what the fuck ever...at least I can walk around upstairs naked until the leaves fall off the tree in the backyard....by that time we had better have blinds up on that remaining window.
Today I have plans to go mail shit and possibly hang more pictures on our wretched walls. I will also buy milk, yogurt and bread....oh the excitement, how to contain my domesticated ass? We have decided to challenge ourselves to a month of spending $100 only for groceries, less one meal (fastish food) out a week, less dipes, should I need to buy them and less pet food and cleaning shit..can this be done? we shall see....we are up to about 22.54 - starting last week. As part of this grand experiment, I am going to try to not buy things from the major grocery chains, but today I will be going to the IGA since it is within walking distance and I need to take the rats out for fresh air....what a fascinating life I lead.

I am having a rough year, or at least since Easter...broken toe, torn ligament in the other foot, falling down the stairs (again), assorted other bumps, bruises, cuts n' scrapes....and the worst bloody thing of all is that vacuum...also reponsible for a huge bump/bruise on the foot that had the most recent broken toe....yesterday, as I was getting some crap out of a corner with the wand part, the handle came crashing into my face....gotta love those upright motherfuckers. It feels like I cracked my jaw....the bruise should be a good one...people are going to start thinking I'm having "domestic issues" - I am about to stage a revolt...no more house cleaning for me!!! I am not into extreme sports, never mind extreme cleaning.

Anyway....my life still sucks ass, because I think it so, and I am sure there are those out there that would tell me I have it all - house, two vehicles, two kids, the whole fucking enchilada....but I am SUPPOSED to be bumming around the world and never growing up...THAT was the fucking plan....not this responsibility bullshit or parenthood.....so yea, according to me, today, my life, complete with screeching kids, sucks major ass. Hopefully tomorrow will get better.
All I can say is....my poor kids....stuck with such a reluctant mother.....

so he's gone to "learn" how to ride a motorcycle....for insurance purposes, of course...with the intent of buying one next year, of course....how nice...for him. I actually am quite happy that he is doing something for a change...but its a borderline pity party for myself since I never fucking do a thing...supposedly "my choice"...but ya know how it goes....someone (me) has to stay with the rats. And to top it all off I've just started reading The Mommy Myth - talk about preaching to the choir....another bad book...oh well...story of my life.
Anyway....not so much is new here...the littles are asleep and that makes me happy...they truly do look like teeny tiny angels...makes me want to keep their cranky little asses....a sleeping baby is a happy mother...I am now going to refer to myself as their mother, instead of their mom...and I am also very saddened by the passing of my girl...Julia....how I will miss thee....I look forward to seeing you on the other side and learning all that you know.

Well....I didn't get the room papered yesterday...but I did get two strips up, before stinky baby started wailing away. She cried so hard that the snot was just flinging itself out of her nose....and the tears....my gawd....that kid can cry a literal river of sadness. I guess two strips is better than none. I also got to go for a peaceful grocery shop and a tour of the mall....but I still miss my pet monster and her crazy ways...I am so tired...still...but I am wanting my baby back.
I am most annoyed with manly....he asked me about ten times yesterday if I would go to the dump...and ten times I said I would not.....so what does he do? He loads up my fucking truck with a pile of wood....for the dump. Why even bother asking, fuckwad? I don't care....I will not go anywhere until HE goes to the dump and dumps it himself.
I should get my computerized ass away from here and go put some paper up while stinky's sleeping...even if me starting something is THE SUREST WAY TO WAKE HER UP...some things just need to get done.

day two of the pet monster being at gramma's house.....my miserable self misses my baby cakes...but baby girl is getting the sleep she's been missing out on for the last eight months...I wonder if she misses her big sister? Regardless....I am suffering mightily from separation anxiety....but what will I do (hopefully) today?

• mail a package or two
• even more laundry...story of my life
• start wallpapering the toy room

thats a start...I feel like I need to take full advantage of this time here with only the baby to watch...I better at least get something done.

So we went to look at boats tonight...before going grocery shopping....because I told him that he needs to go grocery shopping once a year so he has some fucking clue as to what shit costs...and considering he doesnt think when he shops, that makes it all that much more expensive....anyway...we went to see the boats....that was fine....then it was time to go get food. P.m. wouldn't get back into her car seat....and then when I had wrangled her scrawny little ass into the seat she wouldn't let me do up the chest clip thing...bad parents that we are, we drove anyway...straight to the grocery store....with her screaming her fucking head off the entire way and manly telling me I should just go shopping tomorrow - as in, without him - like that would make much difference....she would be just as much of a horse's ass tomorrow as she was tonight, but I would be alone...so they waited in the car while I ran in to get the bare necessities...apparently we will pick up the rest on the way to the cottage tomorrow night - this means me alone, while he waits in the car with them...still no clue as to what the shit costs and why it always looks like there's no food in the joint.
Anyway....I come out of the store....bread and sausages in hand....he's reading a book and she's up front, compeletely out of her seat, trashing the fucking cab.....so even though I felt like just walking past and pretending I was a stranger, I waved and walked over...she would not get back in her seat....at all. The brat would not...it took me about ten minutes of a combination of restraining and forcing her to just get in the fucking seat to no avail. So I let her tire herself out. All the bribes in the world did not work....I will be so happy when she is through with the screaming shit and will just pretend like she likes me.

does it really have to be this fucking hard? Its no wonder I feel like I've gone nuts.

So my stinky little baby is starting to do tricks....majorly. The little bugger is not only crawling all over the frigging place like a nut....but she climbed up the fucking stairs yesterday (well, two of them), pulled herself up into a standing position and I think she's also getting more teeth...there's no stopping her now!! I think its time to start drinking. Actually last night was going sooooooooo well that I decided to have a coffee and baileys.....since its been about a year or so since I last had one, and who knows how long even before THAT...I tend to forget how much I drink....so that meant I poured about half a cup of baileys and topped that up.....I better not make it a habit.....although it might be better if I start the day that way ;-P

I sit here, as usual, with a kid on my boob, who is nursing and pushing at the arm of the couch at the same time.....maybe that's how these boobs got so droopy. All the arm of couch pushing, while attached to the boob.

now she is off my boob.

one of my younger sisters told me the funniest thing (to me, of course), that has stuck with me for awhile now....when I told her how I have such a hard time meeting other parents like myself, she said that was because they are all home, alone, too busy being attached to their kids. i don't know if I would consider my parenting philosophy that of "attached," but it seems to be the closest thing, even considering all my struggles with this thing called discipline. How I wish I could truly embrace gentle discipline....no shouting, spanking, intimidating.....I need to be the mother they deserve....plain and simple.