Where does the time go? How can I seem to waste so much of it? And all I do is just think shit up in my pea brain and do nothing constructive, especially sitting in front of this time waster, which is known as the fucking computer. My brain has steadily been turning to mush over the last decade..since the end of required thinking, when all extra, non-work-related thoughts were purely optional....now all I think about is how to "steal" time for myself, how I can occupy the two year old (without actually having to put much effort into it or actually take her anywhere-this will prob last until the "terrible twos" are over with - as-fucking-if!), what can I actually do from start to finish before little baby wakes up and wants me..usually nothing - little baby is lying on her belly, quite content, across my knees...when she stirs, I just move my legs - side to side- until my little angel goes back to sleep...not ideal, but at least she's quiet and I can have two hands on the bloody keyboard..not that that means much in my incompetence.
so, what is the wasted thought de jour? Well, lately I've been annoyed in a round about way by the mother of my husband..as far as mother in laws go, she's the best....BUT still...if I have to hear one more time about how she was in labour for 42 fucking hours....i will scream...if I have to hear about how much energy she had when they were little I will tear my eyeballs from their sockets with a rusty spoon...and being as overly analytical about the stupidest things that I am, of course, I wonder why she tells me things like that....is it because she thinks I should be doing more? is it because she is so tired now....having used up all her energy when they were young? is it because I dont keep the house clean, cook meat, potatoes and TWO fucking vegetables for his dinner everyday, keep the fucking house spotless AND work fulltime just to piss my hard earned dough away on child care for some incompetent fuck who may or may not be abusing my children? or maybe I am just thinking too much about nothing...as is my way....and I really dont care how she used to rearrange the furniture ALL the bloody time when she was home when the boys were small...and if I hear one more time about "what you want to do is..." I will absolutely slit my throat with a very dull and dirty butter knife, one that was preferably used for peanut butter and didnt come all that clean in the dishwasher.
so, now, here is a list of things that she doesnt seem to think I should like (but do, of course, because I am me and not her)
hand washing dishes
cloth diapers
old towels
complicated recipes and baking
sweeping the floor-not that I am neurotic about it
sitting around doing nothing
I am sure there are many many more to add to that list but I'll leave those for another day. One last thing about her that drives me right fucking batty is when she runs around picking up after her husband so it looks like she's doing something (I assume thats why she does it - I could be wrong) FUCK he's not incompetent, let him do it...no wonder her bloody son thinks I should pick up after him...even more so because I work for free, home all day every fucking day..I only pick shit up if its in my way or I am doing laundry...I am mother, not martyr, wife, not slave..depending of course with whom you speak.